Time to look..

I once said that if I get an 8-5 job, I shall start to find someone who I like. There’s a reason for my decision. This is mainly because I want to make full use of this 2 years in Army, to do meaningful things. Learning to grow up is definitly one of the pressing issue at hand. Having a partner will make things a lot easier. Firstly, because with the same sex, you seldom go out with just 1 person, regardless the reason. Having more people, more compromises are needed and decisions are harder to make. Of course there’s the argument of different atmosphere of going out with a female or a male also la.

Furthermore, i don’t want to spend all my weekdays just going for my vocation and then going back home. I do like to have a vibrant nightlife once in a while, on a weekday. For example, going to starbucks for coffee and just chit chat la. It’s actually a very good way of remaining contact. Trust me, my upper study words must listen de.

And I believe that my thinking is starting to change again. This time, it is geared towards a more matured and serious way. My A levels results must have been the catalyst to this issue. And this made me believe I could handle relationships way better than before. However, even after saying this, I have to say that the current me do not have confidence that I really need.

Reason being, I’m still very much unclear of my road ahead. Getting into a University, preferably National University of Singapore or Singapore Management University would be much apreciated. This led me into thinking I cannot give my other half assurance and stuff related.

This confidence thingy is further worsen by the fact that my hair is still visibly the recruits haircut, only about 2 cm longer. It could not hide a large portion of my scar and I must admit that my Hair is a very crucial part of my looks. It is arguably the “artefact” that could shape my style, show my image. And now, that is a huge Negative.

But nevertheless, it is also not helped that I have no access to knowing more people, or expanding my social circle to know of potential target. Stranger proved too much for me and once bitten, twice shy. Scared le la. I was recommended to know friend’s friend’s friend. Chim hor? But somehow, there’s supposed to be a reason for this la, but I do not comprehend.

And I suppose I’ve talked enough crap tonight. Because my TEKONG cough is still here? But the overall conclusion is as though I have said nothing.

Decided to be kind to you people by not fooling on April Fool day, so I only came up with this totally bogus entry. I’m actually happily attached! Congrats to me!

Cheers!

I’m still young..

When you meet up with new people, interact with them, you tend to reflect on your past actions.

And I must say that the past 2 years of my life, I’ve lived in vain. My JC education did not reflect well on me. Neither did it give me an advantage over the Poly Grads in terms of entering University. I did have my mind set on entering Uni when I arrived in JC, however, things just did not turn out the way I wanted it to, largely my fault la.

I still have no idea how did this misconception came about. As for what misconception, for me to know, you guys will never find out! Haha! It’s about life in JC and life in Poly la.

Damn! I could not forgive myself for REGRETING my actions. I mean, it’s ok even if my results were not up to standard. That could be because I am not suitable to pit myself against those people who really know their stuff. I accept that. However, for my social circle to SHRINK instead of EXPAND, I just couldn’t understand. I suppose you people don’t understand right? Because friends come and go along the way. I can understand that. But when you want to go out, and you found out that you only have one clique of friends always being there, there is a problem. Hai, shouldn’t mention my glorious past la hor, since one should not dwell too much on his past. Extremely true lor. Think too much about the past will only affect your current performance which in the end affect your future.

Maybe it is my personality problem. Shall work towards that in the course of 2 years.

I’m 19 this year. As you can see, the starting digit is still a “1″, which make me sound very young there. I really hope to treasure this year and do something I could be proud of, and make up for the deficit in the past 2 years. And also, it will be nice to try things that I could no longer do when I hit twenty, so that my New Year Resolution for year 2005 will not be identical to that of year 2007. Which is to not regret on anything I do la.

La Hopes

Flames…
My future is burning alive again..
Hopes
Triggered by a comment from a Sir.

He said, Arts, sure can go in one la!
I felt convinced, I don’t know why
Somehow,
I felt so too.

Vocation,
Xiong it may be,
People there,
Super friendly.

So it’s ok,
I hope and wish,
2 years of my live,
Challenging and fulfilling.

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Does this explain the lack of post lately? Green mean Drafts. There’s much more drafts than actual posts this month yah. That’s why I feared Lesinc may not survive March’06.

There’s just too many issues at hand. Too much worries.

Too much emotions going on…

Kudos to u, U Coy

End of BMT
Probably also mean the end of my combat days
It’s really a nice experience
coupled with nice people
People who provided me solutions
Stuck with me through thick and thin
Endured my way of life
Accept me for who I am and what I did
Helped me in times of adversities
Who had the same fate as me, having C D D and discussing the possible routes
Promised to continue to keep in contact
Didn’t mind that my Dota Skills are noob-ish

It’s all about meeting new people isn’t it
The bonds that could be forged in a mere 7 weeks
As though it was years
The mutual understandings
The same passion
The same sufferings
The same fun
The commanders
Their way of fun
Their way of lifting us up
Our way of lifting them up, literally

Experiences in BMT I will always remember
Friends I’ll always keep.
Kudos to Ulyss es Coy Pla toon 3!

A levels – A Wrong Path taken

-I’ve never known uncertainties. But now that I know it, I never want to know it again.-

It’s really nice knowing people around me getting straight A’s. Guitar Ensemble had quite a fair share of them. Chung Cheng-ians did themselves proud too, with more than a handful scoring more than 3 distinctions. Feel proud and happy for them.

From Guitar, Jun Yi, Yan Ting, David*, Cheryl, Elaine, Dody*, Ci Yuan, Siew Wei, Shu Yan…

From Chung Cheng, Jun Yi(again), Xin Yi, Wei Ding*, Yi Xiong, Qi Fan…

*-more than 3 distinctions

Felt good that Eugene managed 3 A’s too.

As for me, I only managed a C D D and a C6 for Gp. I can’t say I’m sad with the results because I have to say I’ve foreseen that coming. The above result is actually the best I’ve ever managed in the whole of my time in MJC. At the very least, I get a full cert to certify I finished my A levels.

They say it is the last result slip that counts. So if the next education is a good one, the A levels result doesn’t matter anymore. However, my next path is a blur now.

There is this sudden want to study during the journey home. I have no idea why. Like the studying passion have come up to me. I’m definitely not happy or proud of my result. However, I’m not ashamed with it as well. Afterall, this is my result.

-This is my results, there are many like this, but this is mine.
I am nothing without my results, my results are nothing without me-

I consider this a stain, a setback in my education road. I know that I’ve not done exceptionally well in my previous educations, but yet they are enough to bring me to the next level of study. And sadly, I noticed a trend.

Primary school

Science A*
Maths A
Chinese A
English A
Higher Chinese Merit

Secondary School
Chinese A1
E Maths A1
Chem B3
Physics B3
A maths B3
Elective Geog B3
English B4

A levels
Econs C
GP C6
Maths D
Geog D

I’ve concluded that I AM getting stupider by the years. Maybe it is the lao ren chi dai zhen.

I’ve forgotten about the feeling when I receive good grades. I used to cry when I receive bad results. I remembered during Pri 6, when I got 76 for maths, I cried on the whole bus journey. Perhaps now, I’m immuned to bad results that I don’t feel THAT sad anymore.

I’m now forced to consider alternatives in the case that NUS reject my application which is almost certain.

I have already said that the overseas route is not for me. I do not wish to endure the A levels again. I cannot take the stress and everything else related to the A levels. Not again. There’s poly, but that is 3 wasted years.

I’ve considered signing on last time. But now, as a PES C who could not enter SISPEC or OCS, signing on would kill my source of income immediately.

I quite certain I’m not able to work after my NS. I don’t know why, I just felt that way.

I’ve come to conclusion that SIM will probably be my best hope. However, the courses are strange to me and that it is much more expensive than NTU or NUS or them combined together, due to no subsidy.

Gary came up with NIE. But what can I teach? I have to say that secondary school will be my most likely option if I want to teach. But what subject could I teach? Secondary school teachers have to teach 2 subjects. That is a pain. Cause my C is in Econs. Secondary schools have yet to offer econs. I doubt my maths abilities and I also doubt my Geog abilities. Having taken only elective geog for O levels. Science is out of the question. Chinese? Ha-ha.

– 老师，这个字—么写？Then I say, 我也不知道。 so Pai Seh right? So yah, it’s kinda phrased out. And trust me, with C D D and Gp C6, which school will accept me?

Analysing my results, Maths – D. This is probably one of my best case scenario. I had expected an E, O or F for this subject.

Econs – C. At least the tuition paid it’s due. A C is rather acceptable.

Geog D. Fucked up. So much for all my hope resting on this particular subject that I’m counting on.

Gp – C6. Not unexpected. But I felt I did better.

Yup, this brings me back to where I’ve started. Should not have stayed on in Meridian. This is never the place for me. I don’t belong to the JC Life. But I hesitate to make my move and I end up paying the long overdued fine.

-If I could turn back time…
I probably will not abuse the power.-